How to Talk To Your Spouse About Sex

Two things you should know about talking to your spouse about sex: 1. Do not do it immediately after sex; and 2. Do not ascribe blame for less the less than fabulous sex you’ve been having, or worse, not having. That advice comes from Elizabeth Bernstein, whose column in the Wall Street Journal takes readers to that place where many fear to tread: a real conversation about what’s not working for them in the sex department. Other suggestions? Bernstein advises that we always be gentle. “Need an opening line?” she writes. “How about ‘I love you, and I’d like to feel more connected to you.’ ” Also, she says, “realize that the discussion may take more than one conversation. You don’t have to knock it out all in one sitting.” Wait there’s more. Bernstein suggests that you “Tell your partner five to 15 things you really like about him or her. Never say, ‘If you loved me, you would…'” To jump-start a flagging sex life, says Bernstesin, couples need to start by sleeping in the same bed, no kids, no pets. Spontaneity is great, but 80 percent of married couples schedule time to have sex. Put it on the calendar. And read more from Elizabeth Bernstein.